Confessions of an Art Student Page 3

  The Morning After

  I shot up at six in a bolt of awareness. Thank god I’d swapped my Saturday shift at Debenhams for the Sunday instead. The buzz of alcohol had completely worn off and was replaced with a thumping head and a slight ringing in the ears. It took me a few moments to realise where I was, or what had happened the night before. Rolling onto my side, a wave of panic crept over me as I could feel Andrew dozily shifting his weight behind me. His manliness, suddenly a surprise, along with the feeling I shouldn’t be there.

  What had I done? Where are all my clothes? What about Rachel? What the fuck was I going to do next?

  I quickly and quietly scooped everything up and hurried to get dressed: not caring if things were on inside out or back to front. I grabbed my shoes and without a word I left Andrew’s loft bedroom and headed for the front door. Fortunately the rest of the party had long since gone to sleep. I was even more thankful that no one else had joined us in the attic, in a collapsed drunken stupor; not realising that the room had already been taken.

  Empty bottles were scattered everywhere and there was still someone fast asleep across the bottom step of the stairs, although I thought it might have been someone different to last night. I shamefully left the house without a second glance back.

  It was bitterly cold outside for a late September morning. As I reached the end of the garden path I wished I had spent the time to find my coat before I’d left. However, I thought better of going back to retrieve it. I wasn’t quite sure where it might be. Maybe I‘d ask Danny to bring it back for me.

  “Shit. Danny!” I pondered aloud. Fortunately there was no one around at that hour to hear me curse. What was I going to do about him? Was he still asleep in Andrew’s spare room? Would he remember anything? What about the kiss I had with Andrew during ‘Spin The Bottle’?

  “Shit!” Shit shit shit shit shit.

  I’d never felt as anxious or confused in my entire life before. Up until last night I had never really done anything like that, not even with my girlfriend. Now, I’d slept with my new friend from college… And it was a guy!

  I was so torn. I loved Rachel… There was no question about that. I found her attractive, sexy and really wanted to spend my time with her. I’d even pictured a house and two kids with her somewhere down the line. The past few weeks had been difficult, as she was now living out of town, but somehow, that hadn’t stopped us from getting closer. I’d even hoped that we would have made love together for the first time at Andrew’s party. What accidentally happened with him didn’t change any of that. Did it?

  That night with Andrew… Well, that was something else altogether. I couldn’t keep thoughts of last night out of my mind, even though I desperately tried.

  Being so close to one another when he told me he liked a girl from college…

  His lips gently brushing against mine as we played ‘Spin The Bottle’ in front of the rest of the party…

  Stood in his darkened bedroom; so close that I could feel his erection pressed up against my own. Then later, when we woke in the middle of the night; his hot, wet mouth wrapped around my cock… His soft tongue carefully exploring the head of my penis until I came…

  Even on my walk home, the thoughts came flooding back bringing a swelling in my jeans with them.

  It was just teenage hormones and the inevitability of them confusing me. Wasn’t it? It was all too much for me. I couldn’t handle the guilt and confusion of what I had done. I ran the rest of the way home, trying to block everything else but the cold from my mind.

  ***

  The doorbell woke me up around ten; still in last night’s clothes, and still with my t-shirt inside out. I fumbled down the stairs to the shouting of my little sister. Danny was in the doorway, looking as groggy as I was feeling.

  “Awesome Party…. It went really quickly though.” He said as he came in.

  “Err… No Danny. You passed out and we had to drag your fat arse to bed early.” I said, hoping he wouldn’t bring anything else up, or ask where I was this morning.

  “Eh? Ah well… Everyone seemed really cool. Andrew seems like a good guy. Oh, and I found your coat. I thought I’d drop it in on my way home…” He offered.

  Phew. Thank god for small mercies.

  Fortunately the conversation continued with no references of anything adulterous, or homosexual. I told Danny that I was going to crash out today and cancelled the plans we had to meet up later. With the way he was feeling, it suited him fine. I was also intending to rearrange the plans I had to meet with Rachel that evening. I really couldn’t cope with the guilt of lying to her. Or what I had done, or having to deal with what it might have meant. I really wasn’t ready for anything like that.

  I spent the rest of the day at home with my parents.

  Every time one of them looked over I could feel their eyes burning into me as though they knew exactly what I had been up to. I had to check more than once that something hadn’t been written on my forehead. All the while my face must have been bright red. I felt awful. Like a liar. Like they wouldn’t even know who I was anymore.

  Although they never mentioned anything at the time, I had a distinct impression that they both knew something had irreversibly changed within me. Unfortunately that's exactly how I felt about myself and it really unnerved me.

  ***

  A few nights later I woke at around one; like I had done every night that week since the party. I was tossing and turning and couldn’t sleep with tormented thoughts going through my mind.

  I wanted to be normal. I wanted to have the average, everyday teenage thoughts that I had always had up until the weekend. Thoughts of my girlfriend… Having constant sex with her for years to come before settling down, getting married and having children with the one and only love of my life. But now those thoughts were clouded. They were there, but intermittently interrupted by other, more sinister thoughts. Thoughts that society was still teaching people not to think about.

  I wondered what Andrew’s cock looked like. Not that I cared as such, but I just wondered. I then thought about Rachel; I bet she has nice, soft nipples on her perky C cup breasts. Her skin was soft, and blemish free. Supple and firm.

  But what about him… What was he like naked?

  Was Andrew big? I couldn’t quite tell when I was pressed up against him. I wondered if his cock was long and thick, or if he had a smaller one. Was he circumcised? I wasn’t cut but through years of PE and swimming with Danny, I couldn’t help but notice that he was. It seemed okay. I guessed it didn’t really matter either way, but I wondered all the same.

  My cock was pretty much normal, seven inches with a regular thickness and uncut. My dick might not have been huge, but I was happy with it. No funny kinks, lumps or bumps and my balls were perfectly fine. I wondered if Andrew was impressed with it when he blew me. He seemed to be. Had he even thought about it? Or cared?

  None of it really mattered though. Why would it matter if Andrew’s cock was big or small or if he liked mine or not? But for one reason or another, I just couldn’t stop thinking about him.

  I wanted to get back to sleep and block out these thoughts, or at least mask them with thoughts of my own girlfriend, but I couldn’t. Although it was so late at night, my erection was now too hard to allow me to drift back off.

  I threw back the sheets and pulled down my boxers. I could feel how wet the tip of my hard dick was before I even started to masturbate. I liked feeling it damp with the first drops of pre-cum; it made me even harder. I usually made a mess of everything when I wanked so, like every other teenager and beyond, I always kept some tissues ready under my bed.

  I wrapped the fingers of my left hand around my dick and slowly started to play with myself, sliding my hand up and down my length. I thought about Rachel. I envisaged kissing her. Unbuttoning her blouse and lifting her skirt. For months I had dreamt of taking off her panties and slipping my hard cock into her wet pussy. I wanted to slowly make love to her until we both came together. Again and again, I went over these thoughts as I slid my hand up and down my shaft, but it wasn't quite enough. For the first time since learning to masturbate, the thought of sex with a woman seemed like hard work. It was like I had to force myself to think about her. Or maybe I was trying harder to force the thoughts of having sex with Andrew out instead.

  I felt awful. I felt dirty and immoral but for those moments whilst wanking, I let myself think about Andrew. It felt wrong, but that somehow made it more exciting. My cock grew a little bigger and a little wetter. The stickiness now trailing down to my abdomen.

  I imagined kissing him; feeling the burn of his rough stubble on my face. Andrew was by any means a good looking guy. Tall, trim and popular, I felt lucky to even be his friend, but why hadn’t I noticed how attractive he was before?

  As I continued to massage my crotch, I thought about seeing Andrew naked. I wondered if he had a hairy chest, or big muscles. I imagined him taking his clothes off just for me. I bet he looked good. He would probably have a big cock, one that was really thick, too big for me to put in my mouth. I thought about sliding my hand up and down, making him moan with pleasure and it turned me on so much I groaned aloud, not caring that someone might hear.

  The thought of him balancing on the edge of climax in my hand was too much. With an excitable shudder, my throbbing cock erupted in creamy semen that made a mess of my bare chest as far up as my neck. I reached for the tissue from under my bed and instantly felt the pangs of guilt from the thoughts that made me cum. I didn’t want to be gay or even bisexual and I promised myself that I wouldn’t think about Andrew in that way ever again.

  ***

  I had avoided Rachel for as long as possible. I hadn’t forgiven myself for my intimate encounter with Andrew at the party, or thinking about him a few days later whilst masturbating. I’d not answered her calls, and replied to her texts with simple one word answers. She must have known something was up.

  I had come to terms with what had happened and realised that it wasn’t for me. I wasn’t quite ready to admit that I had experimented with another guy to anyone else yet, but at least I could deal with it internally and move on. Obviously, I still felt guilty for going behind Rachel’s back. But for at least a few more years I was a teenager, and teenagers were designed to experiment.

  On reflection, I realised it was just an accident; one drunken event that led to another. It was a crazy party that just got out of hand, and although I accepted that, I don’t think Rachel would have taken it the same way. Although I wanted to be totally honest, I knew that I couldn’t tell her. I would lose her and I really didn’t want that at all. She meant the world to me. I also didn’t want her to tell anyone else, but that genuinely was only a secondary concern to hurting her.

  For the past week the only option I had was to avoid Rachel and college, as I couldn’t deal with seeing Andrew either. I wasn’t sure if he would be able to ignore what had happened like I could. I hoped we would be able to just forget about it and move on; to be friends like we had been before. I was so worried about seeing him for the first time I avoided all of my lectures and any time that I was supposed to be in the studio, I was elsewhere. At least this allowed me to pick up a couple of extra shifts at work that week, which my wallet was grateful for.

  I didn’t return the four telephone calls he had left me either, which I knew was a pretty shitty thing to do, but figured I’d done it to Rachel, why not him. At least he’d know why I wasn’t answering, and I’m sure he’d understand.

  Ultimately, the time had come for me to stop weaselling out of things and get on with it. It was Saturday night and my first night alone with Rachel since the notorious party the week before. I had just about forgiven myself for my momentary lapse in fidelity, by putting it down to teenage experimentation, and too much booze. The only person I wanted to think about naked now was Rachel.

  I was actually really looking forward to seeing my gorgeous, sexy girlfriend, especially as it was the first time I’d be going to stop with her at university. I was looking forward to meeting her new friends. I was also looking forward to getting out of the house for a change of scenery.

  The visit also meant the first time that I’d be spending the night at Rachel’s. I was on a promise and I couldn’t wait.

  Rachel

  After a long shift at work, I caught the train, and it didn’t take too long before I had my arms around my girlfriend. So pleased to see me, she’d forgotten all about the missed calls and curt texts.

  She had introduced me to her flatmates over a pasta dinner, which she’d deliciously made for all of us especially for my visit. Good wine, great food and intriguing company.

  There were six students in the flat in total. As I’d heard about all of them from Rachel, it was good to finally put a face to their names. Samantha was Rachel’s favourite. The two were quite similar, had mostly the same interests and were both studying business studies. Seeing them chatting together, I could imagine Rachel and Samantha being friends now forever. They even looked similar. I was glad they both had each other, and that Rachel had made such a good friend so early on.

  Crystal, on the other hand looked like the stripper her name implied. Trashy clothes, awful peroxide hair and way to much brash makeup, she didn’t look the sort that goes to university. Fortunately Rachel had pre-warned and assured me that Crystal was nice once you got to know her. Always seeing the best in everyone, I wondered how true this was. Time would tell, I figured.

  Victoria, Adrien and Felix were all studying history and were as interesting as their course sounded. All three of them were completely normal looking, and I knew I’d get on with them. They might not be the most exciting company, but at least you could have a chat with them without desperately trying to make your excuses and leave.

  All in all a decent bunch, I figured. I knew that would make it easier for me to leave her the following day.

  After our meal, they, as usual for a Saturday night were all heading down to the university bar. We had decided not to join them, in favour of other activities.

  “You sure you don’t want to join us for one?” Samantha had asked.

  I briefly wondered if it was because she wasn’t keen on being alone with the hooker and the dullards. I quickly scalded myself, as they had all been very sweet to me, even Crystal.

  “No thanks. We’re just gonna watch a movie.” Rachel said.

  “I’ll be up in a couple of weeks though. So count me in then.” I said it, and meant it.

  I think it was abundantly obvious that I was looking forward to getting Rachel on my own. Fortunately they were all students, and knew exactly what it was like living away from your parents for the first time.

  After the others had left, we spent time re-acquainting ourselves. Laid out on her bed, with plenty of cheap wine and snuggles we enjoyed the quietness of each other’s company, something we hadn’t done in months. Although her room was still largely void of any character, the fact we hadn’t seen each other in a week had made the evening feel pretty romantic, now that the rest of the flat was quiet. The fairy lights hung around her bed didn’t hurt either. After quite a bit of heavy petting and fumbling over our clothes, Rachel then asked me to make love to her. I think she could tell how excited I was!

  “Two minutes, gorgeous” I jumped up and left her sprawled out on her bed.

  I went to check my breath, and splash my face in the bathroom. Rummaging through my pockets I couldn’t find the condom I’d been carting around for weeks in hope. Shit! Double checking, I pulled out my wallet and rifled through it desperately. My cards were flying everywhere, and money was falling out.

  Phew! Panic over, I grabbed it and put it in my back pocked. Hurrah!

  I returned as quickly as I could manage without swinging the door from its hinges.

  My dick was throbbing to get out of my tight jeans. The thought of seeing her naked had got me hard before I’d even left her on the bed. I couldn’t wait for my first real sexual experience with Rachel.

  I re-entered the darkness of her bedroom, and found her laid out naked on her bed illuminated by only her fairy lights… Waiting; just for me. She gently whispered my name; teasing me, being sexy and demure and it drove me wild.

  I’m not sure quite what I expected when went to the bathroom, but it wasn’t to find her laid out completely naked. Her confidence was justified and amazing, and I will never forget it. Even in the dimly lit room I could see the beautiful curvature of her pert breasts and it was perfection. My underwear seemed to be getting tighter with every throb of my enlarged penis. I was desperate with anticipation for us to share this sacred moment together.

  I approached the bed and bent down to greet her with a passionate kiss. I lingered momentarily, but the allure of foreplay was too much to fight. Before I’d even stood up from the foot of the bed she had unbuttoned my flies and dropped my jeans to the floor. Tentatively she slipped her fingers under the waistband of my boxers and slid them down from over my bulge. It sprung up to greet her, and she seemed pleased. With an impressed gasp she glanced up to me momentarily before pulling my bare thighs towards her face.

  I knew Rachel didn’t have any experience, but she was surprisingly gentle with me. She kissed the head of my penis before grasping my shaft with her petite hand. I was impressed at how big I looked wrapped up in her slender fingers. Slowly she slid back my foreskin to admire my swollen gland. She let out a slight groan which told me she was as turned on as I was.

  Exploring my cock, she began gently flicking her tongue around my head. She had only just started, but it felt amazing. Becoming more confident with every stroke, she worked her way down my cock whilst continuing to masturbate me. The tip of her tongue made it to my low hanging balls. Gently, she kissed them both before coming back up to my dampened head.

  The sight of her naked body wriggling in delight was almost too much for me to bear. Aware of my pleasure, Rachel licked the droplet of pre-cum from my cock before sliding her open mouth down my shaft. Although eager to please me, she couldn’t quite fit me all in. I guessed that deep throating was something that took practice to master, and I was more than willing to offer my cock up for her lessons.